Thursday, December 13, 2007

My Jewish Vagina


By what I can only imagine was sheer accident I was born out of a Jewish Vagina.
Apparently, as soon as the crown of my head hit the vulva something was decided for me -for life.

That's it kid. You're one of us. Sorry, there's not much you can do.

Oh, and now, you have a Jewish Vagina. Peace.

The guy I'm seeing also came out of a Jewish Vagina, which makes him slightly more desirable to the Vagina from which I came. Jewish Vaginas like people who also come out of Jewish Vaginas.

Why?
Because now everyone has something to talk about and the ice has been broken.

"Jewish Vagina? Yeah? me too! 'nother drink?"

This is missing from Eve Ensler's work on the Vagina Monologues.

My Vagina is Chosen...

But, anyway, I'm learning, as I get older, and live in New York longer, that this Jewish Vagina of mine entitles me to some crazy things as well as puts me at some disadvantages.

It doesn't know Hebrew which is bad, but it is supposed to have a greater chance of landing a doctor for a husband. It gets a country to call its own, you know, just 'cause, but it has a strange persecution complex after years of systematically being exterminated. No hard feelings though.

I just wanted to take a minute and tell all the Jewish Vaginas out there that I see you and I know what other people can't see.

Like clits. A lot of people don't see them.

To be continued...

23 comments:

franny said...

what about these people:
1. from a jv, but with a partner who was not born from a jv
2. from a jv but not posessing a self-identified jv
3. not from a jv but posessing a self-identified jv
4. not from a jv, but likely to have baby girls posessing of jvs

phixit said...

well I think this conversation should be held in conjunction with one of Ms. Sprinkle's proformances. Then you could both invite the audience members up to compare and contrast, providing critical information on the differences inherent in the JV.

Poda05 said...

I'm on the phone with a friend, and she's talking about her friend who is "Jewish but not really" because he celebrates Christmas or something. I don't really get what she means, but apparently it's because his mother is Jewish. This lead me to suggest that it has something to do with passing through the vagina. With this discussion of Jewish culture, I decided to Google "Jewish vagina" for more information on this topic. It of course lead me to this post. Thank you for your insight on jvs. I feel a bit more enlightened.

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