Wednesday, February 27, 2008


How come there isn't a facebook group called "Obama is a smug bitch?"

Because this crazed, blind, creepy, Obamafied fervor makes it politically incorrect to say anything about him.

It is actually unenlightened to speak out about this man of change, who is using all the dirty tactics of any politician mind you, but completely and totally fine to bash Hillary Clinton all you want.

Do it up, yo, she's the fat kid in class and he's the quarter back.
Screw her for not knowing enough to not have a vagina. What a Cunt.

The media has made me go from mildly liking him to really hoping he loses.


Not uniting anyone here.

I would like to remind everyone that the 'Nysnc craze also didn't last that long or mean that much either.

I hope he gets his shit together for the sake of all the 19- year- olds who threw their panties in the voting booths.

Hope? Maybe. Class? Definitely not.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

how to become your New Therapist's New Favorite Client by Melissa Shaw

So, I have started therapy again.

"Why" you ask?


So, New Therapist and I are are in that beginning get- to- know- you phase of our relationship.

That place where I am quickly recapping all the "boring stuff" and she is telling me that "nothing can shock her."

Since having heard those words, I have seen her pick up her pen, cock her head to the side, and practically call her girlfriends three times.

I have had to ask her to Google 4 different things as a point of reference. (One of which I hope has no pictures.)

But, for the record, in order to make sure you are the client she goes home to tell her friends and family about bring up: your fascination with the occult, affairs with married men, being "kidnapped" by your mother, kinky sex, and your grandmother's nighttime screaming phone calls about death all in one sentence.

Do not flinch when she suggests you should be coming in more than once a week. That is merely her fear of having bit off more than she can chew.


And now she really wants to spend some time.

Saturday, February 9, 2008


You know why I voted for Hillary Rodham Clinton?

Because I have money on her.

I got $50 bucks out on the fact that HRC is going to be the next president of the United States.

This bet was made with a guy I don't talk to so much anymore.
I originally told him I would bet him $1,000. I am so sure: $1, 000!

"Melissa, you don't have $1,000 dollars."

"You're right. Thanks for dinner."

But, I was so sure, that I felt like "why do I need the money back it?" Aren't I clearly the presummed winner of said Martini induced bet?

I think if everyone did this it would make elections so much more interesting.

Like the Super Bowl.