Monday, February 5, 2007

United States Passport



Depending on how long you have known me, and under what context, you may or may not know that Melissa Shaw is not my real name.
It is Made Up.
Not by me, but by my family, a very long time ago.
To make a long story short, and full of Unnecessarily Incomplete Intrigue, it involves kidnappings, traveling across country, and being on the run.

But today, the United States Government, the same folks who gave me an illegal Driver's Licence, Social Security card, and who keeps you safe from terrorism by arresting twenty somethings for advertising stunts, has granted me, Not- So- Justifiably- Melissa Shaw, a Passport.

I never thought I would actually be given one, or if I was, that it would be after many weeks of additional paper work, oh, and lying.

I have found myself in that huge percentile of America that doesn't have a passport, for this long, because my family is completely Off Their Rockers, fear the world, and really anything beyond the boundaries of the United States.

I was the kid with the million and one chances to go Europe but couldn't because of the fear of what it would do to my family. Or rather, what my family would do to me.


However, I, N-S-J Melissa Shaw, now have every reason and excuse to continue to ignore a responsible career path, bum around the world, and kill my grandmother off via a heart attack when she eventually finds out I am soon to be boarding a plane to Israel.


Today, a big thank you to the United States of America. Clap. Clap. Clap. You big lovable dupes. I heart you guys, too.

4 comments:

phixit said...

damn I forgot about all that crazy-ish shit. Well, there you have it: The Skull really is keeping a steady hand on the tiller of Homeland Security. Now, please bring back tons of Israeli dope. I hear it's bomb.

Peter said...

On my passport it says Gilpeppers O'Shaugnessy.

Megan said...

Congrats! You are now free to roam the world!

Rachel said...

Maybe I just confiscated one from some 18yr old at the castle and send it to you after some photoshop work.

Or maybe they knew you were you all along, citizen.

Let's pack our bags.