Thursday, December 14, 2006

How TO and NOT TO treat a New York City Bartender

A Short List:

Do assume that your bartender knows exactly what raison d'etre is.
Do Not assume that your degree is higher than the bartender's.
Do wait patiently for the bartender to make eye contact with you before placing your drink order.
Do Not bang your glass, beckon them over with your fingers, or call them by name if they are doing anything else other than standing still.
Do tip on every drink.
Do Not think that once per visit is enough.
Do flirt for free drinks.
Do Not assume that you will get one.
Do engage in conversation, but be aware enough to realize when the bartender is no longer interested in talking to you about Yams or your Mother's trip to Bethesda.
Do become a regular.
Do Not forget your responsibilities as a regular.
Do leave when the bartender politely asks you to.
Do Not force the bartender to impolitely ask you to.
Do Not yell at the bartender when she is on the phone with the owner.
Do Not scream, "I am giving your bar business," at anytime. Your twelve dollars, are not THAT important.
Do bring presents.
Do Not fall in love with the bartender.


Sarah said...

wow did ALL of these things happen last night? i need to hear the whole story tonight.

phixit said...

Jesus, be a little more demanding. S'why I go to pubs. Gay Irish out of work actors are just a little more relaxed.

Megan said...

Do tell your bartender what a freaking genius she is.

Peter said...

It's a regular bartender's manifesto! Grand, sweeping, intelligent, and to the point.

Expect to see a copy of this go up at every place in the city!

..except maybe Scores

MS said...

Phixit, you come to my bar, you see what I mean. Over Priced Belgians can do some lousy stuff to some people.

MS said...

Peter. You get an A plus. There's a man who knows.

Sam said...

what if I'm already in love with the bartender?

alfred sheridan said...

Sorry that you had to endure that.
You were very gracefull to have kept your wits about. Proud of you.

Rachel said...

yeah, that jerk who thinks the one dogfishhead he's ever drunk is the only good beer, totally needs to be punched in the jaw.

we should get a spray bottle so when people are being jerks we can spray them with some red ink, right in their over lip-glossed faces.