I was just thinking about all of the possible first lines for break-up letters that would correspond to the relationships I have had. Please feel free to add your own.
First. The Ones to Me.
(These are NOT in Chronological order. )
You have finally driven me insane.
I have to break up with you because my mother hates you and knows now, that you are Jewish.
You have always known I was gay.
I'm still not quite sure how you can't appreciate a Sno-Globe.
Ok, Now Ones to Them.
Dear Waxes Too-Poetic,
Yes, I do think it's strange that you lie about being from Iowa. I do.
Dear Affair With Married Man,
I am so sorry I called your wife and said those awful things about you and your penis. I hope you get to keep the house.
Dear Trash Picker Weirdo,
Thank you for ruining my Birthday. And I told you, I DID NOT want you to bring those doughnuts.
Dear Black Belt Starbucks Manager,
I think you were very rude to say I was stalking you.