Friday, December 15, 2006

Letters

I was just thinking about all of the possible first lines for break-up letters that would correspond to the relationships I have had. Please feel free to add your own.

First. The Ones to Me.

(These are NOT in Chronological order. )

Dear Melissa,
You have finally driven me insane.

Dear Melissa,
I have to break up with you because my mother hates you and knows now, that you are Jewish.

Dear Melissa,
You have always known I was gay.

Dear Melissa,
I'm still not quite sure how you can't appreciate a Sno-Globe.


Ok, Now Ones to Them.


Dear Waxes Too-Poetic,
Yes, I do think it's strange that you lie about being from Iowa. I do.

Dear Affair With Married Man,
I am so sorry I called your wife and said those awful things about you and your penis. I hope you get to keep the house.

Dear Trash Picker Weirdo,
Thank you for ruining my Birthday. And I told you, I DID NOT want you to bring those doughnuts.

Dear Black Belt Starbucks Manager,
I think you were very rude to say I was stalking you.

3 comments:

cloudless said...

this is kind of the best blog post ever.

phixit said...

Dear Sir,
You're just not as fun as raving.

Megan said...

I would like to add "Remember how I asked you to move across the country because I love you so much? Yeah, I change my mind."