Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Tell Tail Sign

I am in, by far and large, the only profession where someone can tell you that your tailbone hurts because of all the Truth you have been Telling.
And mean it.

According to my Yoga Teacher. My ass hurt today because my bones are changing, because my life is changing, because I am changing.
What do you think of that? My ass- moving like a Weather vane.

Best part. I totally believe her. Oh, I'll make fun of it 'til the day I die, that's not gonna stop me, but only cause I want to buy it.

This is the kind of outlook I'm into these days. Or maybe I always have been.

I like thinking that my Palm Itches because I'm gonna get money, my foot hurts because I'm supposed to kick someone in the shins, my period is late because of metaphysical changes in my soul or too little salt or -my favorite- 'stress.' (It's a hell of a lot better than thinking you're pregnant, I'll tell you.)

Never underestimate the power of superstition mating with denial to produce a positive thinking delusional mutant Polyanna with Saint Candles and a Yoga Mat.

Life is a hell of a lot more tolerable if you think your car died so you would learn how to love a train ride.

Before I start sounding like Chicken Soup for the Soul, let's get back to my ass.

See, I was never into this Yoga thing until relatively recently.
I tried it as an undergrad and I was usually too hung over to go to class or I was too competitive to clear my head.

She fell down. HA! I didn't fall down.

And then I would fall down.

(Quick lesson in Karma number one.)

I tried a few times later in life, and really, I just spent every Asana thinking about getting out of class, how badly I wanted to drink that night, and how the poses sure were funny. Do I have to grab my nose?

But now I'm learning that my tailbone is challenging me and I'm like:
whoah.
Yeah.
My tailbone.

(Ashleigh Beyer deserves a nod of thanks for some of this.)

The "Truth," my Yoga Teacher was talking about, was my show; On How To Dress Your Children the Day You Are Going to Pretend That They have Polio.
She sees it as a "Transformative Experience," and she just looked at me when I told her I was concerned about the flesh just under my lower back. You know, 'cause I like to sit there sometimes.

But, she closed her eyes and said "Of course. Of course, Melissa. It's all that letting go and moving through you've been doing. Especially with everything having to do with your family and the show. You know that."

I know that.

Well, I've always said it. And now my Yoga Teacher backs me up. My family really does give me a pain in the ass.


57 comments:

phixit said...

nice set up, clean delivery.

Peter said...

I won't do any more corrections unless they're five-alarmers..

If this was a post on the somethingawful forums, there'd be about seven posts detailing each of the errors, three posts defending the virtues of your soliloquy, two posts comparing it to Hegel's Phenomenology of Spirit, four posts insulting the romantic proclivities of the first seven poster's maternal units, and seventeen posts saying "I voted this thread a FIVE!!@@!"

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